Why So Much Pain

I just don't understand, as I have been here for a long time,
We became friends from the beginning, I fell hard but did not admit
it to you. No excuses, but a heart learns not to trust after it has been broken
over and over again.
Right now my heart is breaking in to thousands of pieces, because I miss you.
I miss our conversations, and I miss the videos that was sent to me. One was
"Don't Walk Away" I did not walk away but you got caught up in something,
that you had to find out for yourself the way things really were. I was there from
the beginning. I am still here and as each day that passes, I cry more and more,
Not blaming you, I blame myself more, for what I did not do or say. By the time I got around
to telling you my real feelings, it was too late. Now I feel as if my greatest dream is falling through.
I have lost you in so many ways. I had hopes of for once in my life I had found true love,
with someone who would never break my heart, now since I do the writing and get no responses
I feel like in some way I failed.
Why did I think that you cared and loved me? I don't know, I have no answers.
Why would I ever think that someone like me could be loved by someone like you.
I carry the love for you in my heart for the rest of my life, and in hopes that this pain stops,
I never asked for this to be, it just did, for you and for me. Some say follow your heart,
I followed my heart and still do to this day, and will continue until the end of time.
I can't question God, because it would not be right. He put this love in my heart.
I have no idea why. I don't know which way to turn anymore. I don't know what to say.
Once again I feel I am failing.
I will still go on as if there is no pain, so no one can see I am hurting.
I see no other way now. Bear the pain on my own.
I love you so much and I won't give up no matter how much pain I go through.