Illusions of the Heart

Just How Much Has Been an Illusion

I am looking for my heart, Have you seen it?  I gave it away for someone to hold, cherish and love forever.

The distance it traveled I know not to where, I have not felt its closeness in so long, the closeness of two hearts beating as one.

After I give it away, I learned the one that I love from the depth of my soul, loved another.

I cried and cried, felt so hurt and alone as if my heart was not good enough to love, cherish and hold.

He just up and disappeared, shutting me out as if I no longer mattered, not even as a friend.

I really trusted him as I thought I could no other, he knew I loved him from the start. Never thinking he would break my heart.

I thought he really loved me too, but was it an illusion, that leads me to believe he loved me too?

This is how I lost track of my heart, all in this illusion of falling apart, I know it is out there in limbo land, not being loved, cared for or cherished anymore, not to even be a close friend. Why? Leaving me alone and totally lost never to find my heart again, I gave it away and can’t get it back.

I have to rethink and restart my life over again without the one I love, all because I never really had a chance.

Was I just under an illusion of thinking someone really truly loved me, or blinded by high hopes and dreams of unreality?

Someday I pray that the illusion will turn into reality, and someone will love me for me.

Someone who wants to be with me and not shut me out because I cry to think the one I love loves someone else.

And hopefully once again not get it thrown back in my face as if to say, your heart is not good enough. 

Two Hearts Coming Together As One

Two Hearts Coming Together As One

I loved you then and I love you now, for my heart knows no bounds. My love for you is from the depth of my very soul.

If per chance someday we should meet, we will know the bittersweet of a love so true only our hearts will feel the beat as one.

You live in my heart and you will find the other half of a love so sweet.

Two hearts joined together as one, as it was destined to be, by God above, for he looked down and saw you and saw me and imagined a love so grand, for all the world to see, love has its place like in you and me.

Come what may through troubles and trials, together we can overcome as one, holding each other as we weather the storm together, no longer alone. Side by side, as God intended it to be, us together just you and me.

We have both weathered many a storm all alone and learned our lessons as we went along, you in your world and me in mine, two different worlds that will soon combine.

The heart you have been looking for has been right here all along, and this I believe until they lay this body down to rest, but this I promise you I will give you my best.

Nothing can keep us apart because we live in each other’s hearts. My destiny is your destiny, never again to be or feel so alone, because two hearts are bound together as one, stronger and complete, nothing can separate us not even death.  What God has put together no man can break apart, what he has put in our hearts.

I loved you then and I love you now from the bottom of my heart and soul, you are the one to make me whole, you are my very soul.

God's Blessings On Me

God’s Blessings on Me

I have to stop and think when life gets me down; I can’t forget God’s blessings on me.

Of all the things that I have been through, I cannot complain.

He blesses me each day that I live, in times of heartache and pain,

He guides my footsteps, or either carries me, like the one set of footprints in the sand.

I am nothing special and I don’t claim to be, but God gave his life for me,

On that old wooden cross, he died just for me.

He loved me that much you see, I believe in him and he believes in me.

I could not have made it without his hand guiding me; he has helped me to keep,

My sanity,

Through all of life’s choices and mistakes I have made, yet he loved me, and showed me

Lessons and of things I see.

He knows when to send my closest and dearest friends, when I need them the most,

Like sisters and brothers, and my world of family.

I cannot complain, God richly blesses me with things I need, material things just passes away,

But love and friendship is one of God’s greatest blessings on me.

He taught me how to love unconditionally, forgive and keep forgiving, because I want him to

Forgive me, no matter how many times my heart gets hurt or broken, I can still count his

Blessings on me,

Thank you God for your blessings on me, carrying me through when no one else I can depend,

You are there with outstretched arms to hold me close, and I can hear you say.

I love you my child, this is what you mean to me.

I have been blessed, for God pours his blessings on me. I never want to forget where I come from and where I have been, because that is where I learned more of God’s blessings he bestowed on me. 

Shattered Dreams

MY SHATTERED DREAMS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlYfqGjlRvM

My nights are filled with dreams of pains of the past, of some people that have already gone on, but yet they cross my dreams as they did in real life, usually it is the same hurt and pain of the heart, the feelings are still the same.

Dreams of things I want to forget, because these were lessons learned with some regrets of choices made of letting myself be used and had my heart thrown back in my face.

The dreams are usually the same not matter how it is dreamed, the lying the cheating is all still the same, the promises that were made yet never kept. 

Promises of love, yet nothing to back it up.

Do we want love so bad that we usually settle for just anything, or words that profess but yet actions are not put in motion to prove it.

Where do I go wrong, do I give love so deeply that it scares people away, but yet they want you to stay?

The cast out a line and reel you in as if you were a fish on the hook, and only come to you when they need something from you, only to throw you back out to be all alone, until the next time they need something from you again. 

You forgive and you forget so many times, you lose track of time, yet the pain keeps going as if it will never stop. 

The tears never stop flowing, from day to day, you finally become just to exist, nothing to look forward too, nothing to plan for because you see, 

it was all shattered dreams that caused you to lose all hope and dreams, of being happy and the dreams at night won't let you forget, everything you try to put into the past.

I live for the day to have the love in return as much as I give, and not have it thrown back into my face as if to say, your heart is not worthy of love, in your kind of way. 

I make no demands, I ask for nothing but to love and be loved, no material thing can give you that. 

I love the plain and simple, nothing grand or extraordinary.

Take away the shattered dreams, and give me love, until my dying day, I promise this, I will be there to stay. 

  Not necessarily in words alone, show me love in your eyes when you look at me, and I  have not doubt that I am loved. 

Let me feel as you hold me close, the love beating from your heart to mine, the love and trust, as no other has ever done. 

  

Destiny

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXnxT5Fw7Gc

Destiny

Do we ever find our destiny?

Where in my life have I gone wrong, the loneliness that is eating at my soul, it has followed me down through life as a dark cloud over my head, and it stays there to this day.

It doesn't really matter how many people are around, family or friends, there is still a loneliness of the heart that won’t go away.

Sometimes people come into your life and you think that maybe this is what you are looking for in your life to fill that void, and take the loneliness all away.

Sometimes that feeling of being alone starts to subside, until you find out it is not so.  The loneliness sets back in and that void is back, like a deep dark hole.

When you try to build yourself back up and try to accept that long lost feeling as a part of life, you find others that steps in, only to be let down again.

You sometimes think about what is your destiny, and think you have figured it out after years of not knowing,

Why has the heart been so lonely all this time, that one thing that you thought you found, and realize you are just too late, as a saying goes “a day too late and a dollar short," so what is left for a person to do?

There is nothing you can change, you can’t forget, nor can you get it out of your mind, and the loneliness is there to stay inside your heart, and nothing will take it away.

No medication can stop the pain because you realize your destined to be all alone forever and life is passing you by, you begin to only exist.

Wishing and wanting what you can’t have, for once in your life, before your life on earth ceases to exist.

A heart can only be rejected so many times before it builds enough walls, where all time and motion will cease to persist, and give up to a nothingness of loneliness. .

Dreaming of Your Love

Spending my day thinkin' 'bout you boy

I want to be with you, just to be near you
I can't explain myself

Why I feel like I do

I don’t know how you feel so darlin’ somehow
Let me know that love is really real, the same as I feel.

I want to look in your soft brown eyes

And see all the years of
me lovin' you.

Don't you know that I'm in love with you.

Fantasy

I HAVE A DREAM (A FANTASY)

 

I have a dream, a fantasy to help me through anything.  The wonders of a fairy-tale just in case the future of reality fails.

I have a dream of us, A fantasy when things gets rough, you hold my hand, a love so deep within our hearts as we hold each other close, kissing our fears away, even though we are far apart.

I have a dream, a fantasy to help me cope with reality. I wait for that day when my dream comes through and makes this fantasy my reality, when the time is right, I will cross the stream of my dream, my fantasy.