Illusions of the Heart

Just How Much Has Been an Illusion

I am looking for my heart, Have you seen it?  I gave it away for someone to hold, cherish and love forever.

The distance it traveled I know not to where, I have not felt its closeness in so long, the closeness of two hearts beating as one.

After I give it away, I learned the one that I love from the depth of my soul, loved another.

I cried and cried, felt so hurt and alone as if my heart was not good enough to love, cherish and hold.

He just up and disappeared, shutting me out as if I no longer mattered, not even as a friend.

I really trusted him as I thought I could no other, he knew I loved him from the start. Never thinking he would break my heart.

I thought he really loved me too, but was it an illusion, that leads me to believe he loved me too?

This is how I lost track of my heart, all in this illusion of falling apart, I know it is out there in limbo land, not being loved, cared for or cherished anymore, not to even be a close friend. Why? Leaving me alone and totally lost never to find my heart again, I gave it away and can’t get it back.

I have to rethink and restart my life over again without the one I love, all because I never really had a chance.

Was I just under an illusion of thinking someone really truly loved me, or blinded by high hopes and dreams of unreality?

Someday I pray that the illusion will turn into reality, and someone will love me for me.

Someone who wants to be with me and not shut me out because I cry to think the one I love loves someone else.

And hopefully once again not get it thrown back in my face as if to say, your heart is not good enough. 

Two Hearts Coming Together As One

Two Hearts Coming Together As One

I loved you then and I love you now, for my heart knows no bounds. My love for you is from the depth of my very soul.

If per chance someday we should meet, we will know the bittersweet of a love so true only our hearts will feel the beat as one.

You live in my heart and you will find the other half of a love so sweet.

Two hearts joined together as one, as it was destined to be, by God above, for he looked down and saw you and saw me and imagined a love so grand, for all the world to see, love has its place like in you and me.

Come what may through troubles and trials, together we can overcome as one, holding each other as we weather the storm together, no longer alone. Side by side, as God intended it to be, us together just you and me.

We have both weathered many a storm all alone and learned our lessons as we went along, you in your world and me in mine, two different worlds that will soon combine.

The heart you have been looking for has been right here all along, and this I believe until they lay this body down to rest, but this I promise you I will give you my best.

Nothing can keep us apart because we live in each other’s hearts. My destiny is your destiny, never again to be or feel so alone, because two hearts are bound together as one, stronger and complete, nothing can separate us not even death.  What God has put together no man can break apart, what he has put in our hearts.

I loved you then and I love you now from the bottom of my heart and soul, you are the one to make me whole, you are my very soul.

God's Blessings On Me

God’s Blessings on Me

I have to stop and think when life gets me down; I can’t forget God’s blessings on me.

Of all the things that I have been through, I cannot complain.

He blesses me each day that I live, in times of heartache and pain,

He guides my footsteps, or either carries me, like the one set of footprints in the sand.

I am nothing special and I don’t claim to be, but God gave his life for me,

On that old wooden cross, he died just for me.

He loved me that much you see, I believe in him and he believes in me.

I could not have made it without his hand guiding me; he has helped me to keep,

My sanity,

Through all of life’s choices and mistakes I have made, yet he loved me, and showed me

Lessons and of things I see.

He knows when to send my closest and dearest friends, when I need them the most,

Like sisters and brothers, and my world of family.

I cannot complain, God richly blesses me with things I need, material things just passes away,

But love and friendship is one of God’s greatest blessings on me.

He taught me how to love unconditionally, forgive and keep forgiving, because I want him to

Forgive me, no matter how many times my heart gets hurt or broken, I can still count his

Blessings on me,

Thank you God for your blessings on me, carrying me through when no one else I can depend,

You are there with outstretched arms to hold me close, and I can hear you say.

I love you my child, this is what you mean to me.

I have been blessed, for God pours his blessings on me. I never want to forget where I come from and where I have been, because that is where I learned more of God’s blessings he bestowed on me. 

Shattered Dreams

MY SHATTERED DREAMS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlYfqGjlRvM

My nights are filled with dreams of pains of the past, of some people that have already gone on, but yet they cross my dreams as they did in real life, usually it is the same hurt and pain of the heart, the feelings are still the same.

Dreams of things I want to forget, because these were lessons learned with some regrets of choices made of letting myself be used and had my heart thrown back in my face.

The dreams are usually the same not matter how it is dreamed, the lying the cheating is all still the same, the promises that were made yet never kept. 

Promises of love, yet nothing to back it up.

Do we want love so bad that we usually settle for just anything, or words that profess but yet actions are not put in motion to prove it.

Where do I go wrong, do I give love so deeply that it scares people away, but yet they want you to stay?

The cast out a line and reel you in as if you were a fish on the hook, and only come to you when they need something from you, only to throw you back out to be all alone, until the next time they need something from you again. 

You forgive and you forget so many times, you lose track of time, yet the pain keeps going as if it will never stop. 

The tears never stop flowing, from day to day, you finally become just to exist, nothing to look forward too, nothing to plan for because you see, 

it was all shattered dreams that caused you to lose all hope and dreams, of being happy and the dreams at night won't let you forget, everything you try to put into the past.

I live for the day to have the love in return as much as I give, and not have it thrown back into my face as if to say, your heart is not worthy of love, in your kind of way. 

I make no demands, I ask for nothing but to love and be loved, no material thing can give you that. 

I love the plain and simple, nothing grand or extraordinary.

Take away the shattered dreams, and give me love, until my dying day, I promise this, I will be there to stay. 

  Not necessarily in words alone, show me love in your eyes when you look at me, and I  have not doubt that I am loved. 

Let me feel as you hold me close, the love beating from your heart to mine, the love and trust, as no other has ever done. 

  

Destiny

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXnxT5Fw7Gc

Destiny

Do we ever find our destiny?

Where in my life have I gone wrong, the loneliness that is eating at my soul, it has followed me down through life as a dark cloud over my head, and it stays there to this day.

It doesn't really matter how many people are around, family or friends, there is still a loneliness of the heart that won’t go away.

Sometimes people come into your life and you think that maybe this is what you are looking for in your life to fill that void, and take the loneliness all away.

Sometimes that feeling of being alone starts to subside, until you find out it is not so.  The loneliness sets back in and that void is back, like a deep dark hole.

When you try to build yourself back up and try to accept that long lost feeling as a part of life, you find others that steps in, only to be let down again.

You sometimes think about what is your destiny, and think you have figured it out after years of not knowing,

Why has the heart been so lonely all this time, that one thing that you thought you found, and realize you are just too late, as a saying goes “a day too late and a dollar short," so what is left for a person to do?

There is nothing you can change, you can’t forget, nor can you get it out of your mind, and the loneliness is there to stay inside your heart, and nothing will take it away.

No medication can stop the pain because you realize your destined to be all alone forever and life is passing you by, you begin to only exist.

Wishing and wanting what you can’t have, for once in your life, before your life on earth ceases to exist.

A heart can only be rejected so many times before it builds enough walls, where all time and motion will cease to persist, and give up to a nothingness of loneliness. .

Dreaming of Your Love

Spending my day thinkin' 'bout you boy

I want to be with you, just to be near you
I can't explain myself

Why I feel like I do

I don’t know how you feel so darlin’ somehow
Let me know that love is really real, the same as I feel.

I want to look in your soft brown eyes

And see all the years of
me lovin' you.

Don't you know that I'm in love with you.

Fantasy

I HAVE A DREAM (A FANTASY)

 

I have a dream, a fantasy to help me through anything.  The wonders of a fairy-tale just in case the future of reality fails.

I have a dream of us, A fantasy when things gets rough, you hold my hand, a love so deep within our hearts as we hold each other close, kissing our fears away, even though we are far apart.

I have a dream, a fantasy to help me cope with reality. I wait for that day when my dream comes through and makes this fantasy my reality, when the time is right, I will cross the stream of my dream, my fantasy. 

I Believe In You

I Believe In You

Sometimes in life people won't believe in you;

they won't encourage you follow your dreams, 

but I believe in you, always, no matter the 

journey or how long the road may be.

Some people will be jealous of you;

and their words will be sharp, and cut like a knife,

and can be so unkind, just close your ears to their words,

don't let them change your mind or your direction, 

of who you are and what you want to do.

I will always believe in you;

 and encourage you to follow your dreams;

and I will try my best to show you the road is not as long as it may seem.

I will cheer for you;

and my words will be warm and kind,

because I treasure you beyond any measure.

You own my heart and are always on my mind.

Fly To The Other Shore

Fly my baby girl, Brandy

Fly My sweet nephew, Jordan

Hold each others hands, and 

Keep each other company, 

Until I can get there to hold you once again.

In my arms I won't let you go. 

Just to see you both once again, 

Oh how happy I would be, but I know that 

someday that will be. 

God had a plan, even though I don't understand.

He has took you both to a better place a different land.

How I wish I could sit with you on those beautiful shores.

Life here is hard to bear, without you both standing there.

I have often wondered, she was 24 and he was 23, I have asked

oh God why not me, 

you see they had a life ahead, one with 4 babies, and the other one none yet. 

I have lived my life, as far as I can see. 

So once again, God why not me.

Give Love A Chance

I make a vow to you my darlin, all of my life will I love you.

In your arms I will be home forever.

My babydoll, this I can promise you,

You will always be my baby, no matter what comes our way.

In a world of darkness, you are my light

and as each night that passes

I miss you more and more longing to feel your arms around me. 

Wanting to hold you so close, and feel your breath upon my face, 

soft tender kisses, that shoots me straight to the stars

oh my darlin, how I need you.

Please come take my hand and love me, don't let go, 

We can be forever until my dying day, 

I can't hide my love for you  anymore, no matter what.

I love you my beloved sweetheart. 

We just have to give this love a chance, to become the greatest love

ever known. 

MY SPECIAL TIMES

You leave without saying goodbye, you can run and you can try to hide, but the love you feel inside is not going anywhere.  Once a close friend always a friend, those you leave in despair not knowing why.  Loving you is a natural thing to do, so many years of loving you with all that is so deep within, from the very soul.  Just want you to know I will still be there, I am not going away or giving up. I have been blessed with the best of friendships a person could ever ask for, even at times when you are not even there.

Hearts can be broken but love will survive, no matter the situation.  When the truth is told, it may be hard to accept at first but then a person has to take the time to stop and think, when all is said and done then you have to say, I wish you the best because to love someone is to care and want them to be happy which matters most of all. 

Real love is not going away, because it is in the heart forever to stay. No matter how hard we run, it is there following us like a light in the darkest night.  I will love you forever my love and I know you feel it too, but whatever the circumstances that separates us is in time and distance, but I will be forever carrying you with me, because you live in my heart until the end of my days on earth. 

My Beloved Heart

My heart is heavy today as I sit in this lonely room, thinking and wishing that things would be different in my life.     

I want to be with the man that owns my heart so much. 

I want to feel passion, love like never before, I want companionship.

My beloved will you please come and hold me? 

I want to feel your arms wrapped around my body,

holding me so close.

I want to hear your heart beating. I want to hear your words of love,

whispered in my ear. 

I want you to show me love as we both have never known.

The love I carry in my heart just for only you,

I want to show you love, and not in words only.

Look deep into my blue eyes, as I look into your beautiful brown eyes.

My heart is aching so bad, nearly breaking from the depth of soul.

Wanting you so bad to be by my side for the rest of my life, for what time we have left.

I want us to grow old together.

Baby just give me a sign that you love me too, 

what do I have to do to show you the love I have for you is real. 

How can I find the right words to say, 

I love you my beloved heart.

With each passing day, my life seems to slip away. I lose those I love in more ways than one. 

I sometimes have to wonder how, do I make it each and every day. The pain in my heart grows 

stronger as each day passes, of losing those I love.  I miss them so much, I can't turn back time to 

tell them anymore how much I love them and I care.  How much longer can I stay strong when there is 

no one to help me carry this load.  Sometimes my hopes and dreams slips through the cracks. I lose 

sight of my goals. There are times that reality sets in and you know that your hopes and dreams won't 

come true. Because of those that are gone, or lost before it ever starts. 

Then I stop and think again, I have a father that is holding me

close in his arms all the time. 

He never gives up on me, so why should I give up on life.

He did not intend for me to hurt and feel all this pain.

He stands with out stretched arms waiting for me to come in.

And I think of my precious friends that I love so dearly. 

I can't forget to pray for them. 

Some are my life now, and has been for awhile.

I can say it now and let you know, I love you and this is my prayer.

Only God Knows Why

Kid Rock - Only God Knows Why http://www.youtube.com/watch?vhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DQup4hd1_o&ob=av3e=0DQup4hd1_o&ob=av3e

Only God Knows the heart and soul of man

The pain and heartache that they go through, 

Although we don't understand Why,

God can see the hurt and pain in someone, then decide to take them 

home to be with him, God is love and everything good, 

We can not change a situation that a loved one is in, but we can

love, support and comfort them the best we can.

Sometimes in pictures we see a normal family, 

but it is not always as it seems,

Although love was never a question, 

for each family member you see.

The love of a mother, so dearly and deep, 

Only God knows,

why others couldn't see, the pain and heartache

of a mother's love for her little family.

Only God knows, a sisters love, 

So deep and sincere, she looked up to him, 

But her love was not only for him, but also his family.

An Aunt's love she shared to more than just her little family. 

Only God Knows,

There was more to her than what most chose to see.

A small woman, with a heart as big as the sea,

With their tongue's they ran her down, 

but to her, she would apologize, for those to see

she was not as bad as others make her out to be.

The pain and anguish she felt was deep, but for this young woman,

was brought to her knee's, she hit her lowest low,

on earth, and other's could not see. 

She would give her life for her little family, the more

she tried, the  more she would be knocked back down time and time again.

With love and comfort she looked ahead for her little family.

Only God Knows, Why it was not to be. 

My Baby Girl

The day you were born was a miracle,
you brought sunshine into my life and filled my heart with joy,
you gave me a reason to smile.


I am so blessed to have a daughter like you,
who was also my best friend.
I love you and will cherish you always.

Daughter

Our hearts inside ache in sadness
and secret tears still flow.
What it is meant to lose you
no one will ever know.


When we are sad and lonely
and everything goes wrong.
We seem to hear you whisper
"Cheer up and Carry on"


Each time we see your picture 
You seem to smile and say
"Don't cry, I'm up in heaven

we'll meet again someday"

Michael My Love

Michael sweetheart I want you to know, I proudly stand by your side. Keep your head up love, we are all uniting around the world as one big family as was your message and dream to see. I hope you know how much you are loved. The man, the human, God wrote your name on my heart long ago, and everyday I fall more in love with you. and Michael if dreams and wishes do come true, then I know my darling angel...you can feel the love I have in my heart, from me to you. We both feel and want the same things in life....To make the world a better place for all humanity,to save our world, and our children. So I thank you for what you do,Your messages in your songs. Prince Michael said it best, the message plain and simple LOVE L.O.V.E and now we see this happening around the globe everyday. So smile my love, and always remember You Are Not Alone. Hugs and Kisses my angel. Looking forward for the day I once again look and see your smiling face. I know tears of joy will be streaming down my face. God Bless you my darling angel. (✿◠‿◠)❤❤♥ #Love_lives_forever ♥

In Dreams and Reality

In a world of dreams, we can do or be anything we want to be. Sometimes we have to stop and take time out to see the reality of life, and how we feel. 
Human life is very precious to most of us; nothing is as valuable as drawing a breath and feeling the reassuring beat of our hearts. Most of us feel the same about the lives of other creatures, from fellow humans to animals, and this also includes bugs' small lives. 
A majority of us feel sad and even cry when we hear of disasters halfway around the world in which hundreds of people we never knew have perished. This ability to empathize--to identify with the pain of others--is the part that  makes us human. 
Yet there are other people who feel no sorrow or empathy when someone else suffers or dies.  When they want something, the end justifies the means.  Their motivation is usually financial gain or sexual conquest, but sometimes they act out of a need for revenge. If they look back at all on the death of someone who got in their way, it is without regret or guilt.  With those who have no conscience and no empathy, there are no lingering doubts. 
How can we live in a world that has no empathy? It is very hard to understand a person that has none, and those without a conscience. How do we deal with those? 
In some instances, this can be a scary situation, for to those who have no conscience, a human life would be worth more dead than alive. How do we cope with a world gone mad, when human life is without value to another? 
In living in a dream world, where all mankind is the same, every living creature is a living part of our world. Who gives us the right to say who shall live and who shall die. 
I have to Thank God everyday, for giving me a heart and a conscience, to see and to feel and have empathy to my fellow man. To show LOVE, KINDNESS, and CARING to each and ever human being I meet. Sometimes it is me that ends up hurt, but to me that is life to me. I had rather be hurt  myself than to ever hurt another human being, or living creature.